A Minute Thoughts

"By then I knew that everything good and bad left an emptiness when it stopped. But if it was bad, the emptiness filled up by itself. If it was good you could only fill it by finding something better." --Ernest Hemingway

Have you ever felt like your brain, your emotion, everything... are under so much stress? Like everyone seems to be getting on your nerves even though they do nothing. I feel like that lately, like everything's falling apart. I just want to lock myself in a room and I don't really know why. Not that I am not grateful,
I am (hopefully and thankfully) always grateful.

I grew up with a family that have always taught me to learn to be grateful with whatever I have. But somehow the beginning of this year was covered by sullen gloomy feelings -- I know that in life, I am going to have bad and good days, but this gloomy feelings... I thought it will be fleeting away, but it did not. It keeps on getting worse instead.

For example, when I wanted to do something good to this particular person, the universe was like giving me bad feedbacks that made our relationship fell apart. And not just once -- and not just that. It happened to other things too. I've never felt like this before. My close friend said maybe I am just overthinking. Well I guess I am, but....

"There are moments when I wish I could roll back the clock and take all the sadness away, but I have a ffeeling that if I did, the joy would be gone as well. So I take the memories as they come, accepting them all, letting them guide me whenever I can." --Nicholas Sparks

I try to keep it cool but it's getting so hard to cope with. Now I kind of get panic easily. I can't go to sleep at night and sometimes I just did not know why. I keep on thinking of things that have had happened and things that have not even happened, it scares me out. I can't go to sleep, my weight also dropped.
Again, this time my friends said maybe I am just overthinking. I think I am? But why it keeps on getting worse? Is it because I worry too much? I worry too much about the future and I worry too much about the past, about the things that certainly have already happened? I have no idea why.

Is it just the stress? Why?
Why did that sad bird come to my window yesterday...?
Why am I asking too many questions to myself? 

However, I guess I need to be grateful, for the lessons that come out, that can teach me about myself. Maybe this is the way God tells and shows me how to be even more grateful, for my closest friends and my family, and all of the things that I have already had. I am trying to find my own way to deal with this and I write.

I keep on writing on my fashion website that have great feedbacks and I try to do things I enjoy. Oh, my Mom forces me to drink homemade smoothies twice a day too (like a very thick smoothies that contain full cream milk, fruits such as bananas, avocados, mangoes, and havermout) so that I can gain my weight back. I enjoy that.

I hope I can forget and overcome all the stress that keep on popping out right now. I hope this will get better. Of course it will get better. Life is not good or bad, right? It just is.